Chapter:3 Immaturity Unmasked

              23/10/24, Wednesday, I felt very stressed because, last night there was a small misunderstanding with my favorite cousin. She is always special to me because she was part of a very important and special day in my life. That was the happiest day in my entire life, and at the same time, it makes me equally sad now, because that day will never come back again. If God blesses me with a gift to relive one day in my life, I’ll ask Him for that one day, and that was the first day I met my cousin. I was studying in 4th standard at that time, and she was studying in class three. After that, we didn’t have contact for many years. After 11 years, I came to Chennai, where I got admission to Madras Christian College for my master’s degree, which was very close to her place. Every Sunday, I used to meet her in the church, and sometimes we used to hang out.

Last night, we had a late-night conversation. She was upset with me because of her clingy nature. She mentioned that she was very possessive, which made me feel a bit uncomfortable. When she argues, I find immaturity in her, and that made me feel unsettled. As she is my favorite, I wished to help with her lack of maturity. I tried to make her come out of her fantasy and understand reality in a polite way, but finally, reality forced me to accept the fact that she doesn’t even have the maturity to understand what I say.

That conversation with her stressed me a lot. Her words made my brain restless, so I suddenly visited Thiruvanmaiyur beach, because the beach always gives me the same peace I experience while sleeping in my mother’s lap. The beach wind feels like my mother’s hand gently running through my hair, bringing me comfort. Whenever I visit the beach with a heavy heart, the ocean wind lifts my spirits and lightens my load. Whenever I visit the beach with confusion, the voice of the waves helps me find clarity.

The waves greeted me with a gentle embrace, inviting me to sit beside them. "Who has troubled your heart, dear child?" they seemed to ask, much like a mother would when we return home from school feeling down. I sat quietly, and the beach whispered a soothing melody, much like the lullabies mothers sing to soothe their crying children to sleep. It brought a sense of comfort to my restless heart and helped me stay calm.

Suddenly, I heard the word “possessive,” which grabbed my attention. Then, I noticed a young college boy making a love proposal to a girl. The girl accepted his love approach happily, but she said to the boy, “You should not talk to any other girls from now. I will be possessive because I am a childish girl.” The boy was over the moon, saying that her childishness was so cute. I was just observing them silently.

Suddenly, I heard “Let’s break up” in a loud, weeping, and shouting tone, and I noticed a young couple arguing with one another. The boy argued, "You once told me how much you loved my possessive nature, saying it made you feel special and cherished. But now, when I show you love, you see it as a burden. I am possessive because I truly love you.”

And the girl replied,

“It’s been 5 years. Now I see it so clearly! You have twisted your selfishness and insecurities into a guise of possessiveness, thinking it’s love. But how can you dismiss the people who loved and supported me long before you came into my life? I owe them a lifetime of gratitude!”

She continued,

“Possessiveness is rooted in a lack of trust; how can you claim to love me when you don’t trust me? This is not true love; it’s control that suffocates my spirit, stifling my feelings and emotions. You have invaded my personal space, demanding ownership of my heart and mind.”

Her voice grew stronger.

“This is not true love! Love should uplift, not chain. I refuse to be a prisoner in this relationship. I deserve to breathe freely, to love and be loved without fear.”

Tears shone in her eyes.

“I have to let you go. I won’t allow your possessive desire for control to overshadow the true beauty of love we used to have".

"Goodbye.”

These two incidents stuck in my mind. I’ve been thinking about how possessiveness and immature behavior affect today’s generation. I remember my professor saying that possessiveness is poison to a relationship. It often comes from immaturity, and immaturity can ruin any kind of relationship.

While I was thinking silently, a little boy caught my attention. He slipped and fell down. A gentleman holding his own 2-year-old daughter rushed to help the boy. “Are you okay?” he asked gently. But the little girl wanted her father’s attention. With her tiny angel-like hand, she tried to cover his mouth. She made her cutest little cries to get him to look at her, and her father spoke to her in a sweet voice, and she laughed happily in response.

Watching this scene filled my heart with warmth. I saw a beautiful purity in her that brought an unexpected smile to my face. This moment made me realize the difference between childishness and immaturity. It was a simple, yet profound reminder of how pure and innocent a child’s love can be.

These days, boys and girls are living in a fantasy world. Social media and movies have created a fantasy impact on today’s generation. The young generation expects the same fantasy feelings and personalities in reality.

Today’s generation has the mindset that childishness is cute. Of course, I accept the fact that childishness is adorable, charming, sweet, and delightful. But these kids try to pretend to be a child without the purity of a child’s heart. They don’t know the difference between immaturity and childishness.

This generation must understand that childishness is the purity of a child’s heart and mind, which adds sweetness to a relationship. This pure heart leads to behaviors that resemble those of a child. Possessiveness with purity of heart without any controlling and insecure intentions is really cute and adorable, while immaturity in a relationship can create many challenges. It leads to misunderstandings and hurt feelings. It can make one partner feel stressed. Over time, this can damage trust and love in a relationship.

Immaturity in a relationship can often led to possessiveness and control over another person’s personal space and freedom. Extreme possessiveness can become unhealthy or toxic, leading to trust issues and conflicts.

Possessiveness can make your love and care feel annoying and frustrating to the other person. Instead of feeling loved, they may feel trapped. This causes irritation and pushes them away, even though you just want to care for them.

The possessiveness of the little daughter was cute, sweet, and adorable because it came from a pure and childlike heart. It didn’t have any selfish, controlling, or insecure intentions behind it, while the broken couple’s possessiveness came from immaturity, which had the selfish intention of controlling the other person in the name of love and care.

This generation must learn to separate their ‘emotion’ and ‘behavior.’ Emotions are always valid, no matter what you feel, but don’t reflect that in your behavior because your behavior is not valid.