Life in a note book

One day my father said my brain had not grown properly. My mom said I didn’t have enough IQ to study what I asked for. My sister teased me as if my ideas and my interests were not my own. At that time, I had self-confidence in myself. I believed I could do it. But later, it faded away; I got to know that it was true. My prefrontal cortex is small; it has not grown properly. And it is known as ADHD.

I have a disorder—I couldn’t put what I feel into words. Others can’t understand what I feel. I can’t make them understand, even if I wish to. After realizing this, I understood why Bargavi and I are still best friends, and why she always holds a special place—because our feelings and emotions have the same mechanism

I am wondering how the Bible gives me solutions so often—not only for taking decisions, not only comforting me when I am sad, not only giving me strength and confidence when I feel low—but even giving me money when I am broke. I am staying in a hostel, and nowadays my expenses are more than the pocket money that my parents send every month. Usually, I am able to save at least ₹600 from my pocket money every month, but for the past two months, my expenses have been more than what I receive. This month, I actually thought I was going to save ₹1000 from my pocket money, but unfortunately, I lost my spectacles again, and now I am broke with a bank balance of ₹43, and I have to run a whole week with this. I always feel very hesitant to ask my parents for extra money beyond my monthly pocket money. I already bought new spectacles for ₹1500. I had a balance of around ₹300, and I kept that for my weekend dance class travel because the class ends late at night, and I have to go to Ashok Nagar. ...

I loved dressing beautifully once. I had beautiful, unique dress collections and matching accessories, different colors of nail polish, nail polish remover to change my nail colour often, and different lipstick shades. But at one point, life put me in a place where I lost interest in dressing colorfully. Wherever I went, I just dressed up with whatever I got in hand. Many beautiful dresses, cosmetics, and ornaments slept for a year. And in that state, a man started loving me — a pure love. He loved me just for being myself, just the way I am. Whatever I am is his favourite. He loved me even with my facial hair, my hairy hands. His pure love was admiration for my inner beauty. It healed me and burnt all my insecurities. It made my life colorful again. All my sleeping collections of dresses, cosmetics, and accessories woke up. Now I love getting ready like a child who admires a beautiful elder getting ready with eyeliner and lipstick. It’s not for attraction. This man’s love brought me s...

He said, “Try to understand. Think from their shoes. Before this, she was just your friend, nothing to do with your life. But now she is someone more than that. You are not in a position to hurt her. She is my sister, and they are just worried about their brother. How would you feel if you had a younger brother? That’s why they are reacting this way. Before you entered, we were a strong trio, and they are worried this trio would break because of this relationship.” Of course, I understand all this. But deep within, my thoughts keep asking—am I collapsing their trio? I never wanted to join into that trio or make it a quartet. I never wished for that. All I wanted was for them to see me the same way I see them. I am not trying to be nice to them just because of this relationship. I still see her the same way I did before— as a good friend, a dance partner, a sister. She didn’t act differently towards me; she tries to stay normal, but I miss the aura. I just feel like I’m the fool here. H...

He was a little upset, and he spoke to me in an upset tone. He said, “You’ve never faced any real problems in your life. You’ve never gone through any difficulties. You live a comfortable life; you come from a privileged family. Have you ever slept without eating because of money? Have you ever gone a whole day without food? Have you ever been without a home? Did your parents ever deny you something because of money? You’ve always lived a comfortable life. What kind of stress could you possibly have? Can your stress be greater than mine? You had a peaceful childhood.” I couldn’t speak back. My mind went silent, but my thoughts started racing. It’s true — my parents never denied me anything because of money. But what I lacked were the words of care that only parents can give. I often wished they had encouraged me, or at least said something kind instead of words like, “You can’t do this,” “You’re a fool,” “You lack ability.” They would say, “If you don’t listen to me and something goes ...